Now that I'm into my second trimester of my first pregnancy, I've noticed a lot of changes coming at me pretty quickly.
Probably the best one is the fact that I have finally been released from the grip of constant morning sickness. This change happened just a few days after I'd gotten fed up with getting out of bed two hours early to try to ease myself into the day, only to find myself jumping out of the shower and running to the toilet as soon as I started to get ready for work.
I shrugged, stood up and got on with my shower. The same thing happened the next day. And the next. I about cried with happiness. The constant nagging sickness I feared would continue the whole pregnancy was finally over.
Another huge change is that I can actually eat real food now. For those first three months I was living off mostly milkshakes, smoothies and vitamin-infused drinks. For way too long I had only been able to take a bite or two of a meal before I'd had to shove the plate away. Even trying my favorite foods at local restaurants didn't help. There were several occasions where I had to ask for a to-go box while pouting at my husband tucking away a delicious meal on the opposite side of the table.
Now it seems like I'm never NOT hungry. My coworkers poke fun at me while they hear me crunching away on cereal, crackers, Chex Mix, nuts and granola bars all day long. It's hard to write stories with one hand while constantly feeding my face with the other, but I do the best I can.
I'm also always tired, no matter how much sleep I get. I start the day off feeling only 50 percent recharged and by 3:30 p.m., I'm ready to take a nap. By 5 p.m., it's usually all I can do to drive home, eat something and then collapse on the couch while staring at the boxes that need to be unpacked just laying around my new house, taunting me.
But probably the biggest change has just happened recently. For some strange reason, even through the three months of 24/7 morning sickness, my slowly rounding belly and the several ultrasounds I've seen that show a healthy, growing child, I've still been feeling a sort of disconnect -- like this really isn't happening to me.
I think the idea of myself being pregnant is just too crazy for my brain to process. It keeps trying to convince me I'm still a high schooler and much too young for this sort of responsibility. Even though I graduated high school in 2001, I still can't quite believe my eyes when I see some of my friends of Facebook posting pictures of their four and five-year-olds when I remember like it was yesterday us passing notes in class and skipping out of gym class to go feed the baby birds in our biology classroom.
Then about two weeks ago I was sitting at work, typing away on a story when I thought I felt a faint tickle -- one from the inside. It was over quickly and I wasn't sure that I had even felt it. The next day I felt it again, at almost the same time in the morning. Then I felt it again that afternoon. When I felt it again the third day during the same hour, I knew I wasn't imagining things. I was feeling my baby for the first time.
I've been feeling the same tickle on a regular basis now and it's seemed to make things a little more real. It's hard for my brain to deny this is really happening when the baby is doing backflips in my belly. It's a constant reminder of the huge change that will be coming into my life in April.
And though the thought is currently both exciting and terrifying, it's definitely a change that I'm looking forward to.
[You can tell it's the child of me and Brandon because of the great faceplant it's performing here.]
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